Free Ya’ Mind

I took the blue pill.

This is my story.

. . .

I wake up at 2 am on a Friday night. Another Friday to wallow in my loneliness.

I flip through the rolladex of my memory.

To find all the humiliating moments and piece them together like a jigsaw puzzle.

. . .

The time in 6th grade, when the boy didn’t think I was cute.

The time my first love came out of the closet.

The time I didn’t receive the love I deserved from my parent.

The time I made a mistake and wanted to die.

The time that I thought about dying more than living.

That time I wished I was dead.

Some people only take the blue pill to sleep. I take it to stay awake and dream..

..about all the ways that I failed. All the ways that they failed me. And all the moments of failure in my future.

The fall.

             Off the cliff.

                                Into oblivion.

Knowing the symptoms will never fade. It’ll be there to greet me again.

Sadness.

Complacency.

Abandonment.

Failure.

Rejection.

Trauma.

Regret.

Hey y’all. Miss me?

I thought I was on my way up. But I’ve fallen down again.

I’ve fallen. And this time, I don’t wanna get up. I don’t want the pain of memories. Highlighting my downfall, one ego death at a time. Pointing, gawking, betting on me to fall. Hoping that I will take the plunge into darkness.

So I fall. The blue pill takes me there. Made the fall light and breezy.

. . .

Oh look, there’s my innocence. I left that behind a long time ago.

Oh and look, there’s my confidence. I knew I’d lost that thing somewhere.

(the fall continues)

Falling, falling, falling deep. Deep in the Big Sleep. Not feeling. Not seeing. Just falling. Falling into the shit hole that I had thrown away.

The one hole no one could find for a thousand years. I fall. And all my past lives, and past successes and failures. All my emotions on display. The bully who got under my skin. The frenemy I let win. All the activities that led to sin.

I kept falling, deeper still. Into future story lines that have yet to be edited. I went in and changed a few details. Removed a few happy endings and narrowed it down to one true love – which was lost. I updated all the characters to be mean, jealous and unforgiving. I would be the punching bag.

(sigh of relief)

Isn’t that better?!

The blue pill helps me see the misery of my life as the main ingredient! A few laughs here and there. But mostly screams and jump scares. Abandoned buildings with 100 year old ghosts, and spirits lurking in the shadows.

If you’re not 100% frightened, turn up the heat with the fear package. A little anxiety. A lot of paranoia. A pinch of narcissism and a whole lot of junk. Wow! All the years I spent with crippling anxiety and worry, were all apart of the lifetime guarantee.

Thanks Blue pill!

. . .

But, if you’re looking to fall deeper. Check out the Soul Trap package. With everything you’d need to feel trapped in your souls purpose.

Always wanted to bring healing and love? Now, you can, just by being broken and hateful!

Need faith? Swallow doubt, unbelief and unwillingness to change, for a fall into emotional enlightenment.

You will really see what it means to believe when life becomes unbelievable.

So, fall into the blue. The great unknown. A vast ocean of Pandora’s evils, humanity’s sins and Gods’ wrath and vengeance.

I have a little blue pill in my medicine cabinet. And I take it when ever I want to Sleep. Want to escape from all the Goodness and Love, Joy, Happiness, and Freedom. One blue pill and all the darkness comes flooding back. And you can see it, touch it, feel it, and know it.

You’ll know the darkness well. It will become your only friend.

And when it’s time to sleep forever, the blue pill will activate Death and it’s family.

Once you die, you can never come back. The blue pill has succeeded.

.  .  .

The Matrix pharmacy will provide all the blue you need. No need to refill or resubscribe.

Just sign your name on the dotted line and all the Blue is yours. If you ever wake up and want to go back to sleep, take the blue pill.

It’ll change your life. It changed mine.

X.